Disclaimer: This is not a trip report but a collection of experiences from my drug use split into categories also doing drugs is dumb.
Table of contents:
Something inside the mirror
I've done acid around 50(+/-5) times (excluding microdosing) the average dose was 200ug, the highest being 600ug, because of the tolerance of acid you can take it once every 2 weeks or you can do the following week1 – 200ug, week2 – 200ug, week3 – 300ug, week4 – skip week one you get full dose, week two it's more like 150ug, week three it's like a low quality 100ug tab. This system is also very cost effective since a tab costs a couple quid and you don't drink at all or nearly as much on a night out. However Having done this dosing for a few months it starts to make you weird, it's hard to fully articulate but even when the drugs are out of your system something remains and you just feel off. Before large doses you should take a 2 week tolerance break.
It's worth noting some research shows if your first exposure to LSD is under 100ug it could influence later trips giving you a greater deal of control over it (early psychitrict researchers claim this could lower the therapeutic benefit of LSD) microdosing has very little well controlled research behind it, maybe it helps with focus, creativity and mood, maybe it's just a placebo – but one thing you'll find when researching microdosing is it's almost all anecdotal and unverifiable. I will follow this trend, services like brainlabs allow you to test brain performance, anyone with two braincells to rub together could come up with a placebo controlled design and actually do some testing.
Over my time microdosing I did notice improvements to my productivity, increased focus and I enjoyed doing tasks more. My overall mood and outlook remained the same, but I think microdosing is overrated generally, though I do think it has value, you get insights into yourself over time. Similar to macrodosing except the insights are slow drips over time instead of getting hosed down for 6-12 hours. In the long term I'm reluctant to rely on any chemicals that barely exist outside of anecdotes.
Insights and drugs are a very interesting thing to talk about, especially to other drug users since it almost instantly will make your beliefs about the drug(s) clear, for example if you talk about insights as if someone or something gave you the insights it becomes clear you attach some form of spiritual belief to it, however if you claim the insights are something you take the substance clearly doesn't have as much (if any) spiritual value to you.
I fall into the latter, I believe drugs are just chemicals that you can draw from whatever you want, I think the insights you draw are as valuable as you decide, similar to dream analysis – the issue is however, when on drugs you're not capable of accurate assessment, when sober your biases will control your insights so apply a healthy level of skepticism.
The insights I gained are pretty basic, watching my hands wither away into frail, weak and old hands gave me the insight I should take better care of my health; another one I got is the dawning realization that I could be a lot stronger and a lot more capable than I was, reaching your peak is almost impossible, and when you do, when the decline sets in you should continue on to fight against it. Eating on acid lead to me eating healthier as well because it's really fucking weird that people choose to guzzle down an artificial, sugary liquid knowing it will damage their health, when it'd be cheaper, quicker and easier to just fill up a bottle with tap water – this lead to me drinking fizzy drinks only on weekend, however now I've not drank anything other than water for about a year (excluding a couple green teas 2-3 times a week). However I think the insights LSD offers you can be gained from either dream analysis or just straight up self reflection.
Time distortion outside of the regular experience only happened once, smaller more 'normal' distortions like having close eyed or open eyed visuals that feel like they last days when they last minutes things like that aren't worth talking about because even people without drug experience can relate to it and have experienced it.
The one experience that sticks out to me as outside of normal conscious experience is some sort of perceptual time travel, I was sat in my room and decided to make a sandwhich since I was hungry, I was then eating the sandwhich, then I was walking downstairs to make the sandwhich then walking upstairs with the sandwhich then walking downstairs with the eaten sandwhich – truthfully I can't really add much to this because it's very difficult to comprehend. The only explanation I've come up with is similar to deja vu, I did all the actions, forgot I did, then something in my environment triggered the memories and I remembered them in a different chronology all at once giving me the confusing perception the event happened out of order.
The first time you watch yourself die is a very weird thing death on acid is nothing like near death IRL.[^1]
My first experience with acid death I was lying on my bed on 600ug, everything was fine then everything faded around me and I'm watching myself from a third person perspective[^2] then time begins to speed up and up, I'm watching everything decay around myself soon my room is decrepit, then my house, soon my bed is gone, rotted away, then the floor, then the floor underneath, I'm laying on the dirt, grass begins to grow, I can feel it on my skin between my fingers, when it rains i feel it hit my face, on nice days I feel the sun on my face. A rivers begun forming beneath me, some days it gets quite cold on my back. Then I notice and the fear sets in, the tips of my fingers are dissolving into the river, a rainbow worth of colors is going downstream along with my finger tips, am I dying? Will my parents know I've died? Do my parents even exist anymore? I begin fighting it, I don't want to die, What happens after this? the panic gets worse and worse, no matter how much I fight I continue dissolving just slower, but no matter what I do I'll be nothing. Why go out in a panicked state? I decide to just accept it, I can't change the outcome so lets just let it happen and see where I end up, it felt like I'd been fighting it for an eternity anyway. I begin dissolving quicker but this time with a sense of calm, What I am isn't my physical form, it's the actions I did with that physical form, once it's rotted away and stopped existing the thing I did will continue on, my memories, my body, my consciousness none of it matters, none of it is me all I am and will ever be is the impact I had on others, I think this was my first experience of ego death[^3]
The second time I died on acid was much more mundane – I was wandering a desert again watching myself from a third person perspective like some sort of god, The sand felt nice, but I was so hungry, so thirsty, it felt like my insides were burning soon after i watched myself collapse, i was so hungry then i could no longer move, no longer feel my body. I had died, then i snap back to reality and realize I'd spent close to an hour starring at my floorboards, i remember I'm on acid and i remember i was starring at the floorboards and running my fingers along them, the sand color of the floorboards must be why I was in a desert.
those two memories of acid death display the contrast, with some being profound and others being fun party anecdotes. There are more memories but they contain more private events from my life.
Something inside the mirror:
Looking into the mirror can be both interesting and overwhelming, you watch your face melt, distort, shift. You're first experience with this might be strange, you come to the realization that just because you see something doesn't mean it exists, mirrors can also force introspection, what do I actually think about my appearance? What does my body and form say about me? things of that nature, I used to enjoy glancing in the mirror when pissing since the sight of me, sweating, baggy hoodie, unkempt facial hair, hunched over, not breaking eye contact with myself as I walk to the toilet was always a sight ot behold.
You might also have bad experiences, I believe when you have your first bad trip you're faced with three choices (1) Stop tripping altogether (2) figure out why the bad trip happens, what it means and work through it (3) continue taking acid and embrace the bad trips, eventually they go away – a recurring bad experience I had was with arms reaching out of the floor to grab me, things inside the walls screaming, things watching me in the woods, this went on for a while, every trip they would appear in one form so long as I took a high enough dose for overwhelming visuals.
In my experience puking on acid is never fun, but I also think it's unavoidable, take acid enough and you'll puke, my first time puking on acid was at the peak of a 300ug trip (liquid) my drug addled brain decided to puke in the sink instead of the toilet, once the sink was filled I moved onto the toilet – I spent around and hour puking, by the end it was a mixture of blood and bile, I struggled to eat for the next following days, the rest of my trip was centered around my drug consumption and why I was even doing drugs in the first place, the weekend after I decided to take some nbome[^4] since I forgot where I'd put my vial.
[^1]: It's worth noting I've overdosed on drugs before, I've never died but I have have spent mornings semi concious puking blood violently (this is my point of comparison)
[^2]: One thing I've noticed some struggle to understand is even though you know you've taken drugs, even though drug experiances might be so far disconnected from the normal experiance you often forget you're on drugs or don't comprehend what you're seeing/experiancing isn't real.
[^3]: Ego death is a “complete loss of subjective self-identity”. (Read more)
[^4]: 25I-NBOMe is an imitation often passed off as acid, you can test to identify if you have acid or this wikipedia
Whenever reading any of my posts consider the date it was posted, people change as do our views.
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