What do I remember?
I hate my neighbors, I mean strongly the dad is a violent drug dealer which isn’t too out of it for my area but I have to listen to him yell at people over the phone, when people come round kicking off I have to listen to that, the police knock on and I have to say didn’t hear anything – then they’ve crammed 5 kids into a two bedroom house so they spend most of their time in the back garden making a ton of noise – Most recently one of the younger lads has gotten into footie. More specifically booting a football against a metal shed repeatedly.
Then today he comes out into the backgarden in full kit, his mam walks out smoking a cig and proceeds to keep kicking the ball back and forth to him and the lads having the time of his life – it was an honest childhood moment. This made me stop and think if I had anything like that, my first thought was no but as I’ve spent 5 minutes trying to recount positive childhood memories I’ve managed to come up with dozens; but I had to put effort into doing so, negative childhood memories I could remember chronologically without even a thought.
I guess we by default focus more on the negative, I didn’t have a bad childhood and i don’t think I’d ever claim I did but if you would have asked me I would have described it as ‘fine’ but now after remembering all these “forgotten” memories I would say I had a good childhood, with parents who cared deeply about me, it’s changed my perspective on my childhood – I wonder how long these positive memories will remain fresh? how many more could I recount?
maybe things aren’t that bad maybe my brain just hates me and wants me to remember the bad and forget the good.