What do I remember?

I hate my neighbors, I mean strongly the dad is a violent drug dealer which isn’t too out of it for my area but I have to listen to him yell at people over the phone, when people come round kicking off I have to listen to that, the police knock on and I have to say didn’t hear anything – then they’ve crammed 5 kids into a two bedroom house so they spend most of their time in the back garden making a ton of noise – Most recently one of the younger lads has gotten into footie. More specifically booting a football against a metal shed repeatedly.

Then today he comes out into the backgarden in full kit, his mam walks out smoking a cig and proceeds to keep kicking the ball back and forth to him and the lads having the time of his life – it was an honest childhood moment. This made me stop and think if I had anything like that, my first thought was no but as I’ve spent 5 minutes trying to recount positive childhood memories I’ve managed to come up with dozens; but I had to put effort into doing so, negative childhood memories I could remember chronologically without even a thought.

I guess we by default focus more on the negative, I didn’t have a bad childhood and i don’t think I’d ever claim I did but if you would have asked me I would have described it as ‘fine’ but now after remembering all these “forgotten” memories I would say I had a good childhood, with parents who cared deeply about me, it’s changed my perspective on my childhood – I wonder how long these positive memories will remain fresh? how many more could I recount?

maybe things aren’t that bad maybe my brain just hates me and wants me to remember the bad and forget the good.


Whenever reading any of my posts consider the date it was posted, people change as do our views. readme // donate